Fictional house designer

Bryce Brodie

“Biscuit”

Chaos-striping specialist and unofficial king of the parking-lot redesign.

Bryce “Biscuit” Brodie is one of Jersey Junkies’ original house characters: a fictional ex-winger who treats every sweater like a last-second line change and every color palette like it was approved by a guy leaning against a pickup truck after midnight. He is not real, but the commitment to diagonal nonsense absolutely is.

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Scouting report

Hometown: Flin Flon, Manitoba

Signature style: Loud diagonal striping, crispy shoulder pops, and colors that look like they were chosen during a 1 a.m. parking-lot strategy meeting.

Missing teeth: 1

Postgame snack: Gas-station chicken strips dipped in ranch

Lore that should have stayed in the room

Locker-room reputation: Known for taping mockups to vending machines and calling it a focus group.

Career lowlight: Still insists a bench minor for "excessive pointing at the rafters" was politically motivated.

Favorite chirp: “Buddy, your backcheck has the emotional support level of a folding chair.”