🏒 The Origin Story (Mostly True)
About Jersey Junkies
We started in a garage. Not a cool Silicon Valley garage. A regular garage with a broken Zamboni and questionable life choices.
Our Story
Jersey Junkies was founded in 2094 by six deranged ex-hockey players who got banned from every beer league in North America. With nothing left to lose and a screen printer they won in a poker game, they created the Artificial Hockey League — 32 teams so absurd that even the mascots filed restraining orders. What started as a joke became... well, it's still a joke. But now it's a joke with really nice jerseys.
The League
The Artificial Hockey League features 32 teams across the US and Canada, each one a loving parody of the real thing. From the Yakima Krakheads to the Sudbury Make-Believes, every team has its own stadium, mascot, rivalry, and deeply questionable fanbase.
Our Promise
Every jersey is printed on demand using sustainable materials. We're destroying the planet slightly slower than other jersey companies. You're welcome.
32
Fake Teams
6
Banned Founders
1
Poker-Won Printer
0
Real Skills
Legal Disclaimer: Jersey Junkies is a parody brand. We are not affiliated with any real hockey league, team, or competent athletic organization. Any resemblance to actual hockey is purely coincidental and frankly insulting to hockey.