Kalamazoo Dead Wings
Kalamazoo Dead Wings
#48 · Rigger Mortis
The Kalamazoo Dead Wings are not dead. They are simply resting — with all the existential stillness of a goth kid who shows up to every funeral 'for fun.' Stiff the Zombie Octopus haunts the Rigor Mortis Rink every game night, and the fans celebrate losses like they're beautiful. They kind of are.
Jersey Junkies is a parody. Not affiliated with or endorsed by any real team, league, or player. All names and designs are fictional and satirical.
Designed by
View full profile →Gordie Gagne “Gravy”
A fictional retiree from the golden age of awful pregame stretching. He treats every holiday jersey like a civic responsibility and every gravy stain like provenance.
Hometown: Thunder Bay, Ontario
Style: Seasonal chaos, heavyweight striping, and colors that look best under rink fluorescents and questionable life choices.
Favorite chirp: “If hustle burned calories, you would still be on the bench looking hungry.”
Missing teeth: 0
Postgame snack: Leftover stuffing between two buttered waffles
Add your name and number on the back for +$5.00 — or leave blank to keep the default player.
Custom jerseys are final sale. Please double-check spelling before checkout.
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Printed to order
Every jersey is custom printed when you order it. Production takes 3–5 business days.
Ships to US & Canada
Standard shipping is 7–14 business days after production. Total: roughly 2–3 weeks.
Defect & misprint guarantee
If your jersey arrives damaged, defective, or misprinted, we’ll replace it free. See policy.
Real humans, real support
Questions? Email orders@jerseyjunkies.io — we reply within 1–2 business days.
Product details
- • 100% recycled polyester knit
- • Lightweight, breathable, moisture-wicking
- • Full sublimation all-over print — front, back, and sleeves
- • Crew neck with reinforced stitching
