Arlington Crap-itals
Arlington Crap-itals
#08 · Dumpster Dave
The Arlington Crap-itals promise they'll fix it next season. They mean term. Dumpy the Bald Eagle of Broken Promises presides over The Filibuster Forum, where Congressional cafeteria mystery meat sliders are the concession of choice and every line change gets debated like a Supreme Court nomination. This jersey comes with zero accountability and bipartisan disappointment.
Jersey Junkies is a parody. Not affiliated with or endorsed by any real team, league, or player. All names and designs are fictional and satirical.
Designed by
View full profile →Tony Battaglia “Bucket Hat”
A fictional former summer-league beautician of the power play who insists every good jersey should look equally ready for a breakaway or a patio beer tower.
Hometown: Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario
Style: Sunset fades, party energy, and suspiciously confident trim choices that somehow always score.
Favorite chirp: “You call that defense? I have seen folding tables close harder.”
Missing teeth: 3
Postgame snack: Pickle spears and lime tortilla chips
Add your name and number on the back for +$5.00 — or leave blank to keep the default player.
Custom jerseys are final sale. Please double-check spelling before checkout.
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Printed to order
Every jersey is custom printed when you order it. Production takes 3–5 business days.
Ships to US & Canada
Standard shipping is 7–14 business days after production. Total: roughly 2–3 weeks.
Defect & misprint guarantee
If your jersey arrives damaged, defective, or misprinted, we’ll replace it free. See policy.
Real humans, real support
Questions? Email orders@jerseyjunkies.io — we reply within 1–2 business days.
Product details
- • 100% recycled polyester knit
- • Lightweight, breathable, moisture-wicking
- • Full sublimation all-over print — front, back, and sleeves
- • Crew neck with reinforced stitching
